A description of my blog. http://www.my-site.com 2702921630812818923 This Should Only Take a Minute 2008/03/#2702921630812818923 2008-03-24 So I'm nearing a major deadline at work, and I can tell my boss is concerned that I'm going to be stressed out and working long hours this week. We were talking about another upcoming project, and I mentioned that I thought I would be able to handle it on top of what I already had scheduled. She kind of laughed, and I said, "Yeah, I have no sense of my own limitations."

"Not when it comes to time estimates," she said.

It's true, I don't. Everything takes more time than I expect it to. It's a weird sort of cognitive deficiency I have.

It doesn't seem to help that I'm aware of the problem either. Even when I try to account for my unrealistic expectations by inflating my time estimate, the actual time still ends up being double what I estimated.

One of the ramifications of this failing is that I tend to take on way too many projects at a time. Right now, for example, in addition to maintaining this blog, Humor-Blogs.com and my job, I'm building a house, writing a novel and working on a master's degree. Oh, and I'm the treasurer for our church.

That is, all of those projects are outstanding. I haven't touched the novel in a few weeks, and I'm perennially two classes away from finishing the master's. The house progresses slowly, and only because I'm paying professionals to progress.

They Clay PigeonAnd then there's the Clay Pigeon, an online humor magazine that several blogging pals and I started a few weeks ago. I think we produced some of the best humor writing on the web, but the fact is that something has to give. The Pigeon is going to have to go on hiatus for a while. I'm hoping we can bring it back at some point, but if and when we do, it will probably be in a somewhat different format. Maybe a format that is not quite so saturated with my blood and sweat.

The good news is that I'm not going to shut down this blog any time soon. I don't think I could stop writing this crap if I wanted to, so I might as well post it. This might not be my most stellar posting week, what with the work stuff, but I'll be around.

Thanks to all the editors and contributors of the CP, and also everybody who linked to us and posted the CP banners on your site. We appreciate your support.

If you want to read some funny stuff, browse through the Clay Pigeon's archives, or visit one of the contributor's blogs.

Crummy Church Signs
O Mighty Crisis
The Frog Bog
Pistols at Dawn
The Gallivanting Monkey
Izzle Pfaff!
The Reasonable Ego
See Mike Draw
HowToKillPeople.com
Armadillo Trader
Renal Failure
Predator Press
Genuine Ideas

Thanks, guys. You rock.

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]]> 7096658352698311511 The CP Looming Recession Issue! 2008/03/#7096658352698311511 2008-03-03 Have you seen the new issue of the phenomenally popular online humor magazine, The Clay Pigeon? (Seriously, despite the fact that hardly anybody leaves comments on the articles, it's doing quite well.) With tough economic times ahead, the CP is doing its part to spread gloom and unease with a special Looming Recession issue.

As CP Publisher Rusty Gibbons puts it:

“This is no time for joking around, Clay. The economy is in real trouble. I think our readers need to hear about the fragile state of free trade in this world. Did you know that 63% of Americans are now against NAMBLA?”

Read the rest of Rusty's pontification here.

And be sure to check out our exclusive transcript of Britney Spears' recent address to the American Coal Foundation, our shocking report on Smiley Inflation and the CP interview with Donald Trump's hair. Plus a brand new See Mike Draw and Crummy Church Sign of the Week, and much, much more.

If you all go check out the Clay Pigeon and click on the Subscribe to the CP by email link so that I don't have to keep reminding you about it every week, then maybe I'll go back to doing Monday posts that are more than shilling for other sites. In fact, if we get 20 new subscribers by tomorrow morning, I'll even do a post tomorrow! I know, awesome, huh?

Speaking of shilling for other sites, who do you think is ahead in the epic battle for 3rd place on Humor-Blogs.com, Mattress Police or Crummy Church Signs? Only one way to find out.

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]]> 3768264064178464085 It's Inappropriate Card Day Eve! 2008/02/#3768264064178464085 2008-02-25 Tomorrow is Inappropriate Card Day! I know, it really sneaks up on you, doesn't it? In case you're somehow unaware of this phenomenon that is now so popular that even when I search my own website for "Inappropriate Card," Google suggests that maybe did I mean "Inappropriate care"? I mean, come on. "Inappropriate care"? Who is searching for that? What does that even mean? "Sorry, Bill. I killed your ficus while you were on vacation. I think I may have given it inappropriate care."

Whatever. Anyway, in case you're somehow unaware of this phenomenon that is sweeping the nation like baby fish mouth*, here's the deal:

February 26 is Inappropriate Card Day. You celebrate ICD by -- surprise! -- exchanging inappropriate cards. There are no rules. Well, except for the fact that the card has to be completely inappropriate -- and not risque inappropriate; that's too easy. It has to be a card that would be perfectly appropriate for someone other than the recipient, preferably on a completely different day. For example, I just got a card in the mail from Crummy Joel which reads, in part:
Jewish life today
has its own flavor,
though it's been spooned
from the same kettle for generations.
It's inappropriate, you see, because Joel is a Nazi! No, not really, but neither one of us is Jewish, so it's suitably inappropriate.

Celebrate ICD tomorrow with someone you tolerate. If you're interested in the rich history of this non-Jewish holiday**, go here.

In other news, the second issue of the Clay Pigeon humor magazine takes flight today! Whether you're looking for news on the upcoming Build-a-Bear Apocalypse or a stirring speech in favor of numerical equality, we've got it.

The Clay Pigeon

Bookmark the Clay Pigeon today!

Um, yeah, so you're still here. Unfortunately, that's all I've got for you today. I didn't bother to write a real post because I figured with the ICD excitement and the Pigeon, I wouldn't need a post for today.

Listen to me, apologizing for not having a post! You know what I think? I think I've spoiled you people, making you expect a brilliant new post every Monday. Look, sometimes it's just not going to happen, okay? And anyway, I worked hard on the Clay Pigeon. Go read it. There's some really good stuff in it. And after that, go pick up some inappropriate cards while you're thinking of a caption for the caption contest.

Then go outside and play. I can't script every second of your life for you.

Oh, and be sure to come back tomorrow to vote for the best caption.


*I made a When Harry Met Sally reference! What is up with that?!
**But there's no reason Jews can't celebrate it, except for the ever-present threat of having their unique cultural identity obliterated by adopting Western customs.


Humor-blogs.com wishes you a happy Rosh Hashanah.

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]]> 8388786433669549889 Pay Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain 2008/02/#8388786433669549889 2008-02-19 Occasionally as I am making my rounds through the blogosphere, I run across someone referring to me in excessively laudatory terms, e.g. "the mighty Diesel" or "Mr. Diesel President-CEO-Founder-King of Humor-Blogs." (Thanks, Lobo and Bee.)

I want you to know, first of all, that I enjoy these appellations and wish them to continue.

It is only fitting, after all, for someone who has the 25,692nd ranked blog on Technorati to be held in such esteem. I'm basically a celebrity, like Taye Diggs or Leelee Sobieski.

And this blog -- the 25,692nd most popular blog in the world -- isn't even my only website. I also run Humor-Blogs.com, which, when it isn't crashing because of some kind of database error, is a really big list of other blogs. And frankly I'm being modest, because in addition to it being a list of blogs, there is big column of arbitrarily truncated posts from those blogs, that may or may not appear in chronological order!

Yes, I am an impressive individual. And, not being satisfied with a blog that is almost in the top quarter hundred thousand blogs in the world and a blog directory that comes up first when you type its name into Google, I have now also started a MAGAZINE. Holy crap, right? I mean, how important can one guy be?!?! It's not like they hand out domains like claypigeonmag.com to just anybody with $29 burning a hole in their pocket. (BTW, in case the guy who owns claypigeon.com is reading this -- I'll go up to $104, but that's my FINAL OFFER.)

With great power, of course, comes great responsibility. Occasionally I must step down from my ruby-encrusted throne in order to arbitrate disputes among the common people, and also to make an appointment with my chiropractor, because damn those rubies are digging into my spine.

Recently, for example, a controversy broke out regarding allegations that Bee was monopolizing the top spot in the Humor-Blogs home page feed. Her posts were always showing up on top, even when newer posts would get added. The logical conclusion, of course, was that Bee is a big cheating stinky poo-poo head. Surprisingly, however, in this particular case the problem was actually with the feed aggregating code that I wrote. I know, right? This is pretty much the first time that anything has ever broken with that site. Other than, you know, the database upgrade that broke everything and the time I accidentally deleted all the users, and those data truncation errors and the formatting that isn't quite right on half the pages.

The point is that Humor-Blogs.com isn't just some site that I threw together over a few spare weekends a while back, totally as a lark, never expecting it to have more than a few dozen sites listed. I mean, it is, but it's much more than that. That's because I'm involved, and I'm a Big Deal, so no matter how shoddy the site appears, it should be taken VERY SERIOUSLY.

The rankings, for example, are basically gospel. The very best humor blog in the whole world is 15 Minute Lunch, because Humor-Blogs.com says so. Crummy Church signs is a distant second. There is of course a margin of error of +/- 4 blogs, which is why Mattress Police is oddly mired at #5.

My latest venture, the Clay Pigeon, promises to be every bit as Breathtakingly Important as Humor-Blogs.com. Already I have made $0.16 on Google ads, and that's money that can be plowed right back into the magazine, to buy larger and faster-moving electrons.

But don't worry, no matter how famous and important I get, I will always remember where I came from. I won't forget my loyal Adjutant Inspectors, although admittedly I did shuffle them off to another page somewhere because the damn blogrolling script kept breaking. I mean, come on, am I the only professional around here? (Seriously, if you have a blogroll script that isn't a pain in the ass, let me know and I'll put my blogroll back).

Ok, that's probably about as much of my wonderfulness as you can take. I'll be back tomorrow with another Extremely Important Post. In the mean time, do check out the Clay Pigeon if you haven't yet. The fate of humanity may depend on it.

The Mighty Diesel has spoken.

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]]> 5314421537591678212 The Clay Pigeon has Landed! 2008/02/#5314421537591678212 2008-02-18 It's here!

The Clay Pigeon

The Clay Pigeon is a weekly online humor magazine put together by a select few of the evil geniuses over at humor-blogs.com (including yours truly). The first issue launches today!

I've been working so hard on this damn thing over the past few weeks that I didn't even have time to write a decent post announcing it. So I pretty much stole this one word-for-word from Joel over at Crummy Church Signs, one of my co-conspirators.

What is the Clay Pigeon? Well, to truly answer that question, you had best visit the magazine itself and read the special interview with publishing magnate Rusty Gibbons.

In short, however, the Clay Pigeon is a collection of the funniest of the funny. Some older, reworked, blog posts. Some brand new pieces. Some funny things we found online by unknown authors that you really need to be reading. All approved by the CP staff and edited (yes, edited...this is a magazine, after all, and not a blog) to reach Full Humor Potential.

Make no mistake: We're gunning for the big time with this. We feel strongly that this is some of the funniest writing that you'll find out there on the internet. Yes, the whole internet. The Onion may have the market cornered on funny fake news, but that doesn't mean it has the market cornered on funny. We're here for the demographic that finds things besides fake news stories funny.

We need YOU to spread the news about CP. Email friends. Do a blog post. Put a banner on your website. Hell, put a banner on your house. Just tell people about the new voice in humor, the Clay Pigeon.

Anyhow, go visit and post a comment here or there about how hard you laughed. Then be sure to check it out each and every Monday, with new articles and interviews. Enjoy!

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