A description of my blog. http://www.my-site.com 8388786433669549889 Pay Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain 2008/02/#8388786433669549889 2008-02-19 Occasionally as I am making my rounds through the blogosphere, I run across someone referring to me in excessively laudatory terms, e.g. "the mighty Diesel" or "Mr. Diesel President-CEO-Founder-King of Humor-Blogs." (Thanks, Lobo and Bee.)

I want you to know, first of all, that I enjoy these appellations and wish them to continue.

It is only fitting, after all, for someone who has the 25,692nd ranked blog on Technorati to be held in such esteem. I'm basically a celebrity, like Taye Diggs or Leelee Sobieski.

And this blog -- the 25,692nd most popular blog in the world -- isn't even my only website. I also run Humor-Blogs.com, which, when it isn't crashing because of some kind of database error, is a really big list of other blogs. And frankly I'm being modest, because in addition to it being a list of blogs, there is big column of arbitrarily truncated posts from those blogs, that may or may not appear in chronological order!

Yes, I am an impressive individual. And, not being satisfied with a blog that is almost in the top quarter hundred thousand blogs in the world and a blog directory that comes up first when you type its name into Google, I have now also started a MAGAZINE. Holy crap, right? I mean, how important can one guy be?!?! It's not like they hand out domains like claypigeonmag.com to just anybody with $29 burning a hole in their pocket. (BTW, in case the guy who owns claypigeon.com is reading this -- I'll go up to $104, but that's my FINAL OFFER.)

With great power, of course, comes great responsibility. Occasionally I must step down from my ruby-encrusted throne in order to arbitrate disputes among the common people, and also to make an appointment with my chiropractor, because damn those rubies are digging into my spine.

Recently, for example, a controversy broke out regarding allegations that Bee was monopolizing the top spot in the Humor-Blogs home page feed. Her posts were always showing up on top, even when newer posts would get added. The logical conclusion, of course, was that Bee is a big cheating stinky poo-poo head. Surprisingly, however, in this particular case the problem was actually with the feed aggregating code that I wrote. I know, right? This is pretty much the first time that anything has ever broken with that site. Other than, you know, the database upgrade that broke everything and the time I accidentally deleted all the users, and those data truncation errors and the formatting that isn't quite right on half the pages.

The point is that Humor-Blogs.com isn't just some site that I threw together over a few spare weekends a while back, totally as a lark, never expecting it to have more than a few dozen sites listed. I mean, it is, but it's much more than that. That's because I'm involved, and I'm a Big Deal, so no matter how shoddy the site appears, it should be taken VERY SERIOUSLY.

The rankings, for example, are basically gospel. The very best humor blog in the whole world is 15 Minute Lunch, because Humor-Blogs.com says so. Crummy Church signs is a distant second. There is of course a margin of error of +/- 4 blogs, which is why Mattress Police is oddly mired at #5.

My latest venture, the Clay Pigeon, promises to be every bit as Breathtakingly Important as Humor-Blogs.com. Already I have made $0.16 on Google ads, and that's money that can be plowed right back into the magazine, to buy larger and faster-moving electrons.

But don't worry, no matter how famous and important I get, I will always remember where I came from. I won't forget my loyal Adjutant Inspectors, although admittedly I did shuffle them off to another page somewhere because the damn blogrolling script kept breaking. I mean, come on, am I the only professional around here? (Seriously, if you have a blogroll script that isn't a pain in the ass, let me know and I'll put my blogroll back).

Ok, that's probably about as much of my wonderfulness as you can take. I'll be back tomorrow with another Extremely Important Post. In the mean time, do check out the Clay Pigeon if you haven't yet. The fate of humanity may depend on it.

The Mighty Diesel has spoken.

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