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He Puts it WHERE?!
2008/06/#7989291596258494871
2008-06-13
While Diesel is taking a well-deserved break from blogging this week, we present to you a special series of guest posts, lovingly entitled "Meet the Real Diesel."
This post was, believe it or not, written by Diesel's actual mother.
I think Diesel (not his real name) was about four or five at the time. He was cheerfully splashing in the tub when he looked up and said, “Mom, where do babies come from?”
Well, I’d had a long, hard day, and I’d been ready to coast through the evening unchallenged. But, I thought, this is important. Don’t blow it. I considered myself an intelligent, fairly well-educated person, so I knew how I should handle this. Answer the questions honestly, but don’t volunteer information beyond what the kid is asking for. His older brother had never asked me such a question. I took a deep breath and then said (casually, I hoped), “they grow inside the mommy’s tummy.”
“How do they get in there?”
“Well, they grow from an egg.”
“What does the daddy do?”
“Um, let’s be sure we wash behind your ears. The sperm from the daddy gets together with the egg in the mommy, and then the baby starts to grow.”
“How does the sperm get from the daddy into the mommy?”
Will this kid never quit? How much information does a four-year-old need!? I gave it my best shot: “When a man and a woman really love each other they get very close together, and. . ." I heard myself saying it all, as simply and truthfully as I could, no euphemisms, no cute substitutions for the names of body parts. I looked into the water and waited for a response.
Diesel scrunched up his nose in disgust and blurted, “Why would they want to do that?”
Another deep breath. “Oh, someday, when you’re older you’ll understand why.”
Diesel pensively dragged his palms through the tepid water. Had I screwed up the interview after all? Given too much information? Would the rest of this innocent boy’s childhood be devoted to trying to understand the strange passions and messy physical realities that lead to parenthood?
Diesel lifted one hand out of the water and looked at it. “How come my fingers get all wrinkly when I take a bath?”
“I don’t know. Let’s dry you off and get you to bed.”
Labels: Guest Post
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