A description of my blog. http://www.my-site.com 739595751432020719 Diesel Begins 2008/06/#739595751432020719 2008-06-12 While Diesel is taking a well-deserved break from blogging this week, we present to you a special series of guest posts, lovingly entitled "Meet the Real Diesel."

Today's guest blogger is Joel from Crummy Church Signs.


Hi, everyone. I thought that since Diesel's away this week, it might be nice if we could take a sneak peek into Diesel's past; perhaps if we could see the formative forces behind our resident comic genius in his early years, we might better understand the insanity behind some of these posts of his.

With that in mind, I recently held an interview with his parents, Mom and Pop Diesel. Well....sort of. The transcript follows.

Joel: Good morning, Mom and Pop Diesel. I'm hoping that this interview will shed some light on our blogging friend Diesel from Mattress Police.

Mom Diesel: Actually, Pop's not here right now. He’s out killing gophers. Or maybe building a fountain. Or taking pictures of his car. I’m never sure what he’s up to.

Joel: Oh...well, I'm really just trying to see if there's anything in Diesel's past that might explain some of his antics on his blog.

Mom Diesel: Sure. Let's see, where can I start? Well, first of all... (huge crashing sound in background).

Joel: What was that?!? Are you OK?

Mom Diesel: Oh...yes. Sorry. That was just a light fixture falling out of the ceiling. Pop Diesel's been in the process of building our home for the past....what, 19 years now? It seems to never end...(long, almost wistful pause)
Anyhow, where were we?

Joel: Anything in Diesel's past that can help explain the Mattress Police?

Mom Diesel: Of course, right. Perhaps...(sound of knocking at the door)...Oh, I'm so sorry. Excuse me while I answer the door.
Mom Diesel: Hello...
Young Man's Voice: I'm here to edge the sidewalk like you asked. Why do I have to do this again?

Mom Diesel: You don't. I can find someone else if you...

Young Man's Voice: And why are you only paying me $8 an hour?

Mom Diesel: Because you've proven your willingness to work for us for $8 an hour previously.

Young Man's Voice: Oh.

Mom Diesel: Look, the edger's in the garage. Watch out for the hobbits. Let me know when you're done.
Mom Diesel: Joel, I'm so sorry.

Joel: No, it's fine.

Mom Diesel: Back to the question: We did move around a lot in Diesel's childhood. Pop Diesel had a lot of different jobs early on. There were too many incompetent bosses to count, and too few jobs that matched Pop's unique skill set. Finally Pop settled on a job with a huge multinational corporation doing something he wasn't even remotely trained to do.

Joel: OK...I dunno if that's the type of information I'm really looking for, though. The readers all want to know: What makes Diesel, Diesel?

Mom Diesel: OK...hold on, I've got a call on another line. Can you wait a second?

Joel: Yeah, sure.

(waits 15 minutes, then hangs up and calls back)

Mom Diesel: Hello?

Joel: This is Joel...from the interview?

Mom Diesel: Oh! Right! Sorry...while we were interviewing I was giving a piano lesson, baking a batch of cookies, vacuuming the living room, and filling out our taxes. I guess sometimes I take on a few too many projects at once! (Sound of smoke alarm in background) ACK! The cookies!

Joel: That's OK. Look, I'm running out of time and was just wondering if there was anything else you could think of that might have made Diesel the mad genius he is today.

Mom Diesel: I just don't know, Joel. We were a pretty normal All-American family. We lived in a partially built house with Thomas Kinkade paintings on the walls. We spent our weekends at the Home Depot or shooting clay pigeons at the range. We let him read comic books and watch science fiction. We always had good, wholesome music playing on the hi-fi, like that wonderful Huey Lewis. The only thing that stands out from his childhood is how unorganized and dysfunctional his sock drawer was.

Joel: Well, Mom Diesel, I guess that just shows that comic genius can arise out of the most unexpected circumstances. Have a nice day.

Mom Diesel: Goodbye, Joel.


Well, there you have it. Our friend Diesel's current state of comic genius is simply unexplainable. Clearly neither genetic nor a product of environment, let us just remain thankful that we have been blessed by his presence. We are fortunate enough to live in the era of Diesel, so let's not question his origins any longer. Clearly, he is an enigma beyond our meager understanding.


There's always plenty going on humor-blogs.com.

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