It is true that there are signs that indicate the American economy may be in for a rough patch. We've seen a weakening dollar, a housing bubble and a credit crisis -- and all the while the threat of a Spice Girls reunion tour hangs over our heads like a black cloud.
What alarms me the most, however, is the state of advertising in this country. As everyone knows, our economy is based largely on consumer spending, and consumers would have no idea what to consume if it they weren't constantly being told what to purchase by reliable authorities such as Sam Waterston or an animated gecko. Powerful, emotionally resonant advertising is the team of malamutes that pulls the giant, unwieldy sled that is our economy.The typical American consumer has become fairly jaded regarding the choking miasma of advertising that envelopes him from cradle to grave, but a well-executed ad campaign can pierce that fog like a night watchman with a big flashlight who taps you on the shoulder and says, "Friend, you NEED this product or service." And you see that in the night watchman's other hand is a thing of Cheetos or a thing of Axe body spray or something else that until that moment you hadn't realized you needed, but now you can't live without. Then, as required by my previous metaphor, the night watchman transforms into a team of well-fed malamutes. And once again you are alone in the whirling fog, having realized too late that what you really needed was not so much Cheetos but one of those big flashlights.
My point is that today, more than ever, effective advertising is vital to the health of our economy. Without compelling advertisements, you and I would simply slog along, living within our means while the great economic sled runs aground, the malnourished malamutes tugging listlessly at their reigns.For example, if you're like me, you've grown so accustomed to Google ads that you don't even see them any more. I mean, do you see that block of Google ads over to the right there? Just to the right of this text. No? Really? See, that's exactly what I mean. They're right there, plain as day, but you can't even see them any more. You have Google Ad Blindness (GAB). Frightening, isn't it? Don't worry, it's not fatal, and there is a cure. Just take one of these and you'll be fine.
See, now that was effective advertising. You actually hovered your mouse over the link for a second to find out whether I was once again shamelessly hawking my book. That's what we need more of. Advertising that grabs you by the lapels and won't let go until you admit to being a shallow, materialistic sop trying to find happiness at the bottom of a Target bag. And don't try to tell me that you're one of those people who isn't affected by advertising. Next time President Palmer comes on your TV and asks you if you're in good hands, tell me you don't feel a nagging sense that you really need to get your shit together.
But now -- when we need pithy, eye-catching advertising the most, I'm seeing signs that the advertising industry just isn't up to the task. And I'm not even talking about the commercials where you can't figure out what they are selling, or the ones that seem to be promoting a drug that allows you to take nice walks on the beach but you should really ask your doctor first. I'm talking about the trend of lowered expectations that seems to be infecting the advertising world.
The first sign of this were the Budweiser radio ads featuring a rousing Bob Seeger-ish pseudo-rock song that climaxes with the refrain "This is Budweiser... this is beer." I mean, what is up with that? I half-expected someone to chime in at this point, "Now do you see the difference?"
But that's all there was to it. "This is Budweiser... this is beer." Their ad campaign comes down to stating that their product does, by some technical definition, qualify as beer. Good work, guys. Take the rest of the week off.Yesterday I drove past a billboard advertising a housing development which read "Great homes you won't find anywhere else." Well, that's an interesting feature to highlight -- The fact that your new home will exist in precisely one location. If anything, that seems like a drawback to me. I wonder if they have a competitor who offers homes that are located in two places at once. Their slogan could be "If you lived 20 miles away, you'd be home by now."
Then there's the local crappy pop radio station, which recently introduced the tagline, "The music you've come to expect." No, not the music I've come to love. Not even the music that I've grown to grudgingly accept after an unrelenting campaign of endless repetition. Just the music I've come to expect. Again, their entire marketing campaign basically consists of saying, "So, you've heard the kind of crap we play, right?" (To be fair, a competing radio station was already using their preferred slogan, "Yes, we're playing that f***ing 'Umbrella' song again.")
Still, as uninspiring as these ads are, they'll never top "Beef: It's What's For Dinner." What was up with that? Evidently the beef industry was so unsure of any positive aspects of their product that they decided to just go with a thinly veiled threat. I understand that the other slogans the beef industry considered included "Beef: Deal With It", "Beef: Resistance is Futile", and "Beef: I'm Not Making Anything Else So You And Your Stupid Vegan Friends Can Just Starve."
What next? I'm half-expecting taglines like: "McDonalds: Once a Week Doesn't Make You a Bad Parent." Or maybe "Daimler-Chrysler: Well, That Could Have Gone Better."
What happened to promising me sex, love and happiness if I buy a Big Mac/Bud Light/Dodge Caravan? This is America, people! Dream big!
Sam Waterston and the gecko are counting on you.
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Labels: Current Events, Pop Culture
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