| Candidate | Possible Running Mate |
 Hillary Clinton | 
Monica Lewinsky PROS: - Once held an actual paid job in the White House
- Good for taking on tasks Hillary finds distasteful
- May be able to forge a model of cooperation that will also work between Sunnites and Shi'ites
CONS: - Voters may think, "She's ok, but is she really the best we can do? I mean, couldn't we have any babe we want?"
- No longer a spring chicken
- With two women on the ticket, voters may be reluctant to ask important underwear-related questions at town hall meetings
|
 Mike Huckabee | 
Huckleberry Hound
PROS: - Offers name recognition to the ticket
- Likable character
- Strong track record in the Laugh Olympics
CONS: - Yogi has already expressed support for Grape Ape
- Party affiliation unclear -- possibly blue dog democrat?
- Unanswered questions regarding relationship with Clementine
|
 Barack Obama | 
Grundir the Implacable (Ring-Wraith/Nazgul)
PROS: - Definitely black enough
- Extensive foreign policy experience
- Strong record of opposing illegal hobbit immigration
CONS: - Recently implicated in Mordor embezzlement scheme
- Often confused with Bob Dole
- Never really stood out from the other Nazgul
- Something of a dark horse candidate
|
 John Edwards | 
John Edward
PROS: - May placate voters who have been upset to learn that the "John Edwards" campaign does not in fact have multiple candidates named John Edward
- Popular with Chicago's several million dead voters
- Experience duping media and public
CONS: - "I'm getting the letter I. Iron... Ira... Ira something. Irap? Iram? We're definitely going to be attacked by terrorists from a country starting with I, R, A. Does that help?"
- Squirrelly face and hair gel make me want to punch him
- Thomas Jefferson won't shut the hell up during cabinet meetings
- Efforts to bait Ann Coulter into calling him a "faggot" have so far been unsuccessful
|