"I was trenching for the septic lines when I found it," Kroese said. "At first I thought it was just a mound of dirt, but when I took a closer look it definitely resembled some sort of reptilian creature."
Kroese wasn't sure what to make of the odd looking specimen, so he called the Sacramento Paleontology Hotline. Dr. Simon Halbertson was there to take the call.
"It was a slow day," Halbertson called. "I had just gotten back from my only other call of the day. A farmer in Lodi thought he had found the knuckle of a pterodactyl, but it turned out to be the badly bleached head of Boba Fett. The guy was charging $20 a head to see it." When Halbertson told the man that carbon dating indicated that Boba Fett was younger than Barney, he had to cut his admission fee in half.
"You ruin a lot of lives in a this job," Halbertson said, obviously still troubled by the experience.
Halberston is convinced that the akathasaurus is the real deal.
"Akathasaurus means 'dirt lizard' in Latin," he said, to the chagrin of a reporter for the Vatican Times and a nearby vagrant who had majored in classical languages. Upon being corrected, Halbertson added, "And by Latin, I of course mean Greek."
He theorizes that akathasaurus subsisted on a meager diet of dirt and water, and perhaps mud when it was available. "Mud," Halbertson said, "was a luxury that few akathasauri could afford." When prompted, Halbertson conceded that he was pretty much making that last part up.
Despite Halbertson's stern warnings, Kroese insisted on poking the specimen with a stick.
"I think it's made of dirt," Kroese said. "I'm wondering if one of my kids built it."
Halbertson sneered at this suggestion. "Unless your kids were around six billion years ago, I highly doubt it," he sneered.
Kroese mentioned to Halbertson that he was pretty sure dinosaurs weren't around six billion years ago either.
Halbertson sneered once again. "I think carbon dating will settle this," he said.
"I doubt it," Kroese replied. "As I recall, carbon dating only works on things that are up to about 60,000 years old. After that, all the carbon-14 has disintegrated."
After hemming and hawing for a bit, Halbertson sheepishly admitted that he was just trying to pick up carbon-based life forms.
"Are you even a real paleontologist?" Kroese asked.
"Of course I am," Halbertson replied. "Paleontologist is Latin for 'appliance salesman', right?"
UPDATE 1/27/07: Shocking Truth Behind Dinosaur Hoax Revealed!
Mattress Tags: Ripon Dinosaur Humor
Listed on humor-blogs.com]]>