You've just purchased a pair of novelty testicles for your truck, SUV or other vehicle.
With the purchase of this fine product you have joined the informal fraternity of novelty nutsack owners -- the three million men (and possibly women, although we doubt it) whose vehicles already bear the unmistakable mark of supreme manliness. Yes, you've joined our proud brotherhood at the peak of its popularity, and whatever your reason for waiting so long, we're glad to have you aboard.Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: I hear people making remarks about "compensating for some shortcoming." What does that mean?
A: These people are jealous. There is no documented evidence that novelty testicle owners suffer from any sort of physical inadequacy. In fact, during a recent door-to-door survey most novelty testicles owners reported having genitalia as large or larger than the national average.
Q: Some people roll their eyes and/or shake their heads when they see my testicles. Why?
These people don't "get it."
Q: The women I know tell me my testicles are stupid and lame.
A: They're lying. Women love novelty testicles. When they are in the bathroom together they talk about which guy has the biggest novelty testicles and try to figure how they can get that guy to have sex with them. A very small percentage of women really do think your testicles are lame. These women are college professors who think they're too good for you, or lesbians. Often they are both.
Q: I'm concerned that my novelty testicles may soon go "out of style."
A: There is no need to worry. Novelty testicles, like the mullet and decals of a little boy peeing on things, never get old.
Q: People with small children glare at me as they drive past. Am I doing something wrong?
No. You're not the problem here. This happens because little Brittany in the back seat has just asked, "Mommy, what are those?" Brittany has to learn some day, so it might as well be when she's in first grade.
Q: How do I keep people from stealing my novelty testicles?
A: We recommend coating your testicles with rancid bacon grease. This will also help prevent corrosion.
Q: I think my girlfriend is envious of my testicles. Do you have any products geared more toward women?
A: Absolutely! We are constantly adding new items to our Scrotowear collection. What better gift could there be than a genuine leather Scrotowear purse?
And for those really special occasions, break out a Scrotowear pendant or earrings!
Order them for her today. You know she wants it!
Mattress Tags: humor
Listed on humor-blogs.com
Labels: Exemplary Police Work, Jerks, Pop Culture, Satire
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