A description of my blog. http://www.my-site.com 2035648499949702168 Or Maybe "I See a Red Door and I Want It Painted Black" 2006/12/#2035648499949702168 2006-12-27

I've been tagged with a Christmas meme by Poppy of Opiate of the Masses. I'm supposed to list what I got for Christmas, or didn't get, or wanted to get, or something. I'm not so good with following rules. It doesn't look like Poppy followed them precisely either, nor did the person who tagged her. So I'm figuring that by this point this meme is probably like one of those games of telephone where the first person says "There's another city under attack" and the last person hears "Things are going swimmingly in Iraq."

Anyway, here's a list of things I got for Christmas. I may have embellished a few of them. If you feel like playing, consider yourself tagged.

  • My daughter Maddie gave me a grocery bag full of all of the vegetables she hadn't eaten over the previous year. It smelled like cabbage and sneakers.
  • My mentally challenged brother Phil gave me a comic book that he made by cutting pictures of people out of Sports Illustrated, Fangoria and Martha Stewart Living magazines and pasting speech bubbles over their heads. The story is about a team of superheroes led by Joe Montana who defeat an army of Uruk-Hai and zombies led by Martha Stewart. In the climax, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods meet their match in the form of a giant robot made of pine cones and taffeta.
  • My neighbor Billy gave me a "time machine" comprised of a refrigerator box with a bottle of Jim Beam inside.
  • My mother-in-law, mindful of my high blood pressure and a family tree regularly pruned by strokes and massive heart attacks, gave me a deep fryer and fifty pounds of bacon-wrapped twinkies.
  • My wife promised to stop having "feminine troubles" for a year.
  • My freshman year college roommate Scott sent me the wad of hair he fished out of our dorm room shower at the end of the 1988-89 school year with a note that said, "I think I'm finally at a point emotionally where I don't need this any more."
  • Marilu Henner dropped the restraining order.
  • My cheap great-uncle Walt gave me an LED watch. He said he thought it might be broken, but I told him that was ok, because I didn't really care what time it was in 1984 anyway.
  • My friend Joe gave me Season One of Friends on DVD, which is great, because I've almost stopped seeing the reruns on my eyelids.
  • Uncle Karl stopped by and finally gave my nose back. He tried telling me that it was all a "trick", but I beat him with a tire iron until he fessed up and gave it back. Then I took his.

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