Every quarter the company I work for has an "all hands" meeting for all employees where the management reviews what's going on with the company. Despite the fact that quarters occur with more-or-less predictable frequency (hint: there are four a year), these are always slapdash affairs that seem to have used the same PowerPoint presentation since 1984. If you are lucky enough to be middle management, part of the ritual is being assured by your manager 3 days before the meeting that you won't have to present anything, and then being informed 3 hours before the meeting that oops! we need you to "throw together a few slides" after all. I was a little hurt that I wasn't asked to pull some slides out of my rear end this time; it may have something to do with the air of irritation and apathy that I've been cultivating recently.Anyway, I thought I would present, for your edification, my notes from this meeting. I may have missed a few of the finer points.
Q3 All Hands Meeting NOTES
"We continue to invest in our application infrastructure" = "Diesel hasn't quit yet. What's it going to take to get rid of this guy?"
Q: Why a picture of Gandhi on slide with customer service quotes???
- Should have saved that for "belt-tightening" slide
BEST QUARTER EVER!
- "Pipeline the strongest it's ever been" = still more deals that haven't materialized
- revenue shortfall "no big deal"
Nice transition from Gandhi to militaristic metaphors -- "establishing a beachhead"
We're moving to the METRIC SYSTEM. (May have misheard this one. Ask someone later.)
SLA = Symbionese Liberation Army??? (Note to self: Bone up on business jargon)
**Lunch!**
Labels: Work
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